Ben and I took a trip this morning to get Kristen's birthday breakfast. She may go into more detail on her blog about that. I was listening to the radio on the way home, and one morning talk show had a man who had just released his new book. The book is one revolving around how to save your troubled marriage. His plan is to cheat to save your marriage. That seemed a bit off to me, and to most of those who called in, it seemed off to them as well. His idea was that cheating fulfilled the need one had that was making him not enjoy his marriage. Sometimes it allowed the cheater to get that desire fulfilled and out of his system and sometimes it moves the couple to talking about their problems.
I guess this is more of a rant at some points than anything, but doesn't that just seem selfish? I mean, I by no means proclaim to be the best husband, and I can't think of any marriage that is perfect, or even really good, 100% of the time, but what about wedding vows? Now that question was asked by a caller and the author of the book responded with, "How many people really even remember what they said in their wedding vows?" He does have at least one point right. I for one don't remember every single thing I said in my wedding vows, but I remember the basics: sickness, health, rich, poor, good and bad till death do us part. I don't know every single word of the constitution, the amendments or other laws, but I'm still going to follow them. I don't have to know every single word of something to know what the general meaning of what I promised. How does adultery stay to true to the promise made?
How is this not also the epitome of selfishness? I would assume that all spouses act selfishly at times. I know I have, and probably will again regretfully. When does that ever improve a marriage? I've never know it too in my situation or for anyone else. What does the non-cheating spouse get? The problems may get solved at that moment, but wouldn't many live in fear that if they ever become less than perfect their spouse will just find someone else to fulfill their needs? God calls for the wife to be submissive to her husband and his needs, but also calls the husband to do the same. Marriage is about serving the spouse and their needs, not my own.
Interestingly enough, though not surprising, when the author was asked about his wife ever cheating on him, he said that she hadn't, but didn't seem to happy with the idea of her doing so either.
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I appreciate this blog post, Carl. Adultery is a symptom of an already bad marriage, not something that causes or doctors a bad marriage. A person looking to cheat on their spouse is looking for a way out, not looking to save their marriage, and I'm surprised anyone would advocate adultery as a viable way to save a marriage--"I'm sleeping with this other woman for us, baby."--that just doesn't make any sense. Perhaps for those who are about to get married, maybe it would be a good thing to get a written copy of the vows of both bride and groom to have handy so they each can take them out periodically and remind themselves of the commitments made. For those who are presently married, perhaps it would be good to sit down today with spouse and recommit to one another face to face, reaffirming and building on the original commitment. It's become cliche and "corny" to quote 1 Corinthians 13 in a wedding ceremony, but that's the Holy Spirit's definition of true love, and when a couple begins there in their understanding of love and really take it to heart, it only leads to a stronger, more stable marriage. Adultery does nothing but work to destroy a marriage.
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